Of course, if you’ve read any of my other articles, you’ll know I’m a mom - so this sort of narrative makes sense - the common conception of giving all day long to your children and getting nothing in return... but actually motherhood is one of the areas in my life where I do feel like I got a lot of return on my investment. My kids are really cool, well behaved and they fill my life with so much love and light... so really I have no complaints in that category. That sort of giving was worth it.

It’s really my other relationships (more on that in a post in The Bunkhouse - my paid subscription tier) and most importantly, the relationship with myself.

The second born of ten children, lets just cut to the chase - I was parentified. Pretty hard not to be when you’re dealt that hand. My family situation along with my personality was the perfect petri dish for the people pleaser bug.

And I caught it big time!

As I’ve moved into adulthood, there have been countless situations where I’ve put others before myself when - most of the time - no one asked me to! I’ve bent over backwards to make others happy at the expense of my personal peace. And it stops now.

If this sounds like you, please heed my words:

No one lives your life but you.

Putting yourself first is not wrong. It’s survival.

Do you think a zebra just lays there on the sahara dirt and offers itself up to a lion for lunch because it feels bad that the lion hasn’t eaten all day?

NO.

This Mother’s Day I am going to my first solo spa day. I am laying by the pool, getting a massage, and doing nothing. All day.

I was so nervous to ask my husband if it would be okay to do that. Spa days are expensive, I feel so self indulgent just laying around and enjoying myself. I will literally show you the text exchange we had.

Fucking dead. Why on earth was I so afraid to ask for this?!!! Could I have been having spa days every single year this whole time?!

Girl bye. BYEEEEE.

This is a new era.

My kids are being put in public school this coming school year.

I’m getting a job.

I’m spending a week alone in the desert for my 30th birthday.

In the words of Bobbie, “The times they are a changin!”

BEHIND THE STRINGS 🪕

This song I wrote sometime after we moved to Austin. I could feel a shift in myself. I was gaining more independence because my youngest weren’t babies anymore. My husband wasn’t working so I had full time help with the kids -which meant I had a lot more freedom to explore the city.

That period of time was one of the best times of my life. I was going to open mics in the city, riding horses and hunting with my uncle, meeting so many new people and making friends. I was finally starting to shape my personal identity away from my family. This song is the product of those experiences.

“Older Now” is an acoustic country song with sort of a dark vibe to it. My uncle plays the pedal steel on it - and the beat at the end is me stomping my feet and hitting my lap lol.

This song will be on my new album CANYON coming sometime in the summer!

WESTERN MEDIA PICK 🤠

This album hits so hard for me at this moment in my life. There are songs on here that I relate to so much that it feels like they were literally written for me 😂

I’ve always loved Kacey Musgraves and I’m excited that she’s getting back to a more traditional country sound. I’m sure most of you have already listened but I wanted to share it here anyway just in case.

RANCH NOTES 📝

• Don’t let anticipatory anxiety run your life. Look forward to the challenge of voicing your truth - no matter what the outcome may be - because it could be a great outcome!

• Lay by the pool, river, or even in your bed and enjoy yourself guilt free (this is for all my moms out here especially & happy early mother’s day 🥰).

• Go on a walk with no phone, no music, no podcasts. Just listen to the sounds of the outdoors. You’d be surprised how healing it is!

Join THE BUNKHOUSE

Thanks for joining us on the ranch this week and don’t forget to check out my paid tier - The Bunkhouse. I share more personal stories, music updates and unreleased songs that are too personal to share with the general public! I will see you next Monday 🤠

-CJ

So a few weeks ago, I went onto my local facebook page to ask around about horse riding lessons. Again, we are in Texas. It was not long before I had over 15 comments of recommendations and locals offering their services.

I had my first lesson last week.

I just got home from my second lesson this evening.

And I am so obsessed.

I can’t wait until the next time I can get back in the saddle - literally (which will be tomorrow!).

Being back on a horse always gets me thinking - and stick with me here, we are about to do a hard pivot - about the American Indians: the indigenous people that were here living with the land, not off the land. They are always pictured with horses, soaring through the plains, bow and arrow in hand, but did you know, they didn’t always have horses?

Horses showed up in the early 1500s when the Spanish conquistadors brought them over to aid in their various quests in Mexico. The indigenous people by one way or another, acquired horses, and it truly was a game changer for them. At any rate, they were able to dominate the plains and the west through impeccable horsemanship.

But, there was a bit of a downside to their newfound hobby - the intensity of horse usage came at a cost. The women in the tribes had higher miscarriage rates and stillbirths, likely caused by the strenuous lifestyle that came with daily horse-riding. So how did they offset the population decline? Raiding white colonies (and other tribes as well) was one of their favorite past times - so they would kidnap children while they were at it, raise them into the tribe as if they were one of their own. Mostly they would take younger children because it was easier for them to assimilate and adapt to their new life.

But here is the real kicker: when the white families would finally find their lost children and try to take them home - most of them didn’t want to go back.

I’ve read dozens of stories about these kidnappings and I would say 90% of the victims either refuse to come home and end up living out the rest of their lives with the tribe, OR they are forced to come back and are incredibly depressed and die at a young age.

The question is… why?

And here is my theory:

The lifestyle of the American Indian, though definitely rough and strenuous, was incredibly more rewarding, freeing and enjoyable than the typical colonial lifestyle. For starters, they were one with the seasons. And if we are talking about the great plains indians, they were nomads - always changing, always adapting, always being challenged. They were free.

And I feel a little piece of that freedom every time I swing my leg over that horse and plop my butt down onto that saddle. For as long as I’m on the back of this gorgeous beast, I am free too.

BEHIND THE STRINGS 🪕

If you haven’t heard the song “Pocahontas” by Neil Young - you need to. That song among other things, was a big inspiration to my song “Just The Way It Was” off my last album Old Skyline. The theme of “Pocahontas” is the displaced indian after colonization - which is a completely valid and real thing. I wrote this song almost as a response to Neil Young’s song.

In my song, I come at it from both angles. Both points of view - from a girl traveling across a scary, alien land with her family for hope of a better life, and the other - a view from the indian girl, unsure of the intentions of the white people and skeptical for a very good reason. It wraps in a bunch of themes - from over-trapping, to fear of raids and of course- the almighty dollar! Lyrically - it’s very wordy - but I think I got my point across well. Give both of those songs a listen against each other and let me know what you think!

WESTERN MEDIA PICK 🤠

This book is truly not for the faint of heart. It focuses on the rise of the comanche tribe, based in Texas and southern Oklahoma (and a few other bits of western states). The comanche were a wild bunch to say the least. And the book also focuses on the kidnapping of a girl from a frontier colony in east Texas. My husband and I listened to this book on one of our road trips. Full disclosure - there are some violent themes having to do with women and children that I did have to skip over so I wasn’t completely traumatized- but other than that it’s very educational and worth a read.

RANCH NOTES 📝

• follow that tug on your soul - the thing that makes you feel free, you owe it to yourself

• go for a drive out in the country, windows down, with your favorite music

• pet a horse 🐴 they are magical creatures

Thanks for reading this weeks letter. Have you ever ridden a horse? What is something that makes you feel completely free? I want to hear about it ✨

Until next time.

-CJ

THE RANCH #003

There’s nothing worse that looking up one day from all of your hard work, all the projects you’ve poured your heart into and think, “What the hell is the point of all this?” I keep telling myself (and everyone else) that I’m okay with where I’m at with my music. My real focus is my kids, I have other hobbies I like to spend time on and who honestly wants to be famous? A lot of famous people do not make it sound very fun. But I really do feel like a loser when I look at my spotify page and see a whopping 16 monthly listeners. And maybe this makes me sound ungrateful because 16 people is still better than no people… but I can’t help but feel like I am putting in all this work, my heart and soul actually, into these albums and it’s just being released into a void.

I really have no one to blame but myself though. I couldn’t handle social media, so the only place people can find me online is on youtube (or substack now ✨). So to offset the loss of exposure online, I decided to start doing more live shows - meet people in real life and connect with them. That will build a loyal fanbase! But I struggle to be prepared enough for them with everything else on my plate. And again- it doesn’t feel like there’s much of a point to performing, as the last show I had there were a total of three people present and one of them was my husband.

If I quit, I’m a failure. If things keep going the way they are now, I’m just embarrassing myself. I’m almost 30 years old and this is what I have to show for all the time I’ve spent on this earth? There is such a fire inside me to create but my insecurities and self doubt constantly put it out - like a heavy, wet blanket being thrown on a campfire. The failure and disappointment in myself I feel is heavy on my soul.

Anyway, that’s my inspiring message for the week. I know that my existence isn’t a complete waste. I’m raising four children - a very important and honorable role to have. I’m grateful for what God has given me - a roof over my head (a pretty nice one), a good husband and food always on the table. I know this is just an emotional bump in the road and I will get over it soon. I like to think of that scene in The Patriot when Benjamin Martin has lost pretty much everything and has no will to go on and the general tells him to “stay the course.” That’s what I need to do. Just stay the course and God will take care of the rest… hopefully.

BEHIND THE STRINGS 🪕

This song is the byproduct of the same type of feelings I’m having now. As you can probably infer, I’ve had multiple episodes like this one.

The lyrics speak for themselves. I haven’t actually released this song yet, but it will likely be a bonus song on my upcoming album. In the meantime, you can listen here or on youtube ✨

This really sums up how I’m feeling right now…

You can listen to more of my songs anywhere you stream your music - just search Claudia Joseph 💫

WESTERN MEDIA PICK 🤠

Since I chose a movie last week, I thought I’d go with a song this time. This song just recently got a bit popular I’ve noticed… but I’ve been listening to it for over a year now. Whenever I’m feeling down, this song never fails to lift my spirits. The melody truly feels like it raises your vibration.

This whole album (Highway Prayers) is an absolute gem. If you haven’t listened to it, it truly is a must. “Alice” is also another great song on this album.

RANCH NOTES 📝

We haven’t learned much today but there are a few sentiments I would like to pass on - if you’re ever feeling the way I am today, feel free to use these tricks.

• sit by the river (moving water gives off negative ions which make you feel happier - at least that’s what my grandma told me)

• its okay to have a good cry in the shower

• whiskey can help

Thanks for visiting the ranch today. Comment your grievances, all your complaints - I want to hear it all! We can be sad together this week, but next week we will get back on the bandwagon! See you next time.

-CJ

THE RANCH #002

I have a tendency to take on a lot. I have a busy mind. I want to do a lot of things and I have a deep need to pursue pretty much all my creative ideas. But that comes with a price… I have to remind myself to slow down.

Right now I have a babysitter at home watching my kids. I have five hours to myself. I have every minute of those five hours planned out for maximum production and I’ve actually just been sitting here in the Sprout’s parking lot literally staring out the window. Just looking at a tree. My brain, nay, my body won’t allow me to do anything else. I actually thought I might be coming down with the flu. That’s how loud my body was screaming to me, “STOP WORKING!”. I’ve been sitting here for a good 40 minutes just silently debriefing myself on what has happened this week - staring at a freshly planted baby oak tree while the grackles “sing” (if you’ve ever heard them, they are not the most peaceful sounding birds).

Of course then I felt the guilt setting in, the disappointment in myself for being idle. But I stuck with it - keeping my eyes locked on that little oak tree - and slowly, my restlessness, my irritability started to melt away. And I had a thought, “This must be where the front porch came from. It’s really a necessity to just sit down and look out at whatever the hell is in front of you and not do anything - a necessity for mental wellness.” We, as a society, are so janked up from being on our phones every free minute we have - we forget what a vital role “doing nothing” has in our day to day lives.

So I challenge you today to carve out some time to just sit and let yourself think. Sit on your front porch for breakfast, take your lunch break outside (and don’t bring your phone with you), go to a Sprout’s parking lot and stare out the window for 40 minutes… something! Especially if you’ve been on the go for a while, you will be surprised at how much better you will feel after.

BEHIND THE STRINGS 🪕

Slowing down has always been a challenge for me. My baseline is full speed ahead - excited to tackle my next project. But slowing down is necessary if you want longevity. And don’t we all?

Listen here 👇

I wrote this song as a reminder to myself to slow the f down - using nature as my persuasive point. Nothing happens overnight.

Whenever my strong ambition isn’t truly serving me anymore, this song brings me back down to Earth, reminds me that it’s okay to take my time.

WESTERN MEDIA PICK 🤠

Tonight I’m watching “Rio Bravo”, one of my favorite westerns featuring the King of Cool (Dean Martin), Ricky Nelson - a legend, and of course, the one and only John Wayne. If I could go back in time and marry that man, I would…

This movie is a bit slow, not like your more modern action packed film. But it’s perfect for a slow, cozy, western movie night. And it has one of my all time favorite songs - “My Rifle, My Pony & Me” - sung by Dean Martin and Ricky Nelson. If you don’t end up watching the movie, the song is definitely worth your time. It’s like a cowboy’s lullaby.

RANCH NOTES 📝

-little hacks to help you through your week-

• sit in silence for a bit at your favorite scenic spot

• sleep with your window cracked to let the spring sounds sing you to sleep

• take a sunset walk - barefoot if you can

Thanks for visiting the ranch and spending some time with me on the front porch. I hope wherever you are, you take some time for yourself and live life a bit slower this week. I’ll see you next time.

-CJ

THE RANCH #001

I’m Claudia, an independent country artist, a mom of four and a never ending dreamer. I spend my days amongst the chaos of homeschooling, song writing and the constant stream of my imagination pushing me closer to creating the life I’ve been dreaming of ✨.

I’ve been writing and recording music and playing small shows for years now. At first I thought I wanted to make it in the music industry - have millions of streams, go on tour, the whole nine yards. But the older I get, the closer I get to understanding what really makes me happy.

Something that has always been in the back of my mind - since I was small - was owning a ranch. A piece of land that gave me room to breathe, hear nothing but the sounds of nature, and space to run wild on a horse 🐎 . This distant longing has slowly made its way to the front of my mind - overpowering any other dream I’ve ever had. Maybe its the somewhat terrifying state of the world or maybe my Saturn is finally completing its return and the foggy lens to my future is finally clearing up. Whatever the case may be - this dream is now more of a roaring wind than a distant whisper. And I can’t ignore it anymore. There’s just one problem - I’m stuck in suburbia.

We moved to Texas a little over a year ago with plans to buy a property with some land. We were so close to buying a double wide with 13 acres an hour outside of town, but the way things went led us to buying a small home in a neighborhood with an HOA and a minuscule backyard. My 13 acre dream morphed into about 700 square feet of freshly laid sod.

But this new reality I now find myself in is no match for my overactive, Pisces moon imagination. If I can’t have my ranch, I will pretend like this cookie cutter neighborhood property is my 13 acre ranch - until one day my husband walks through the door and announces that he’s bought a cabin in west Texas (complete with stables for the horses and a chicken coop - oh and a barn converted into a recording studio would be amazing). I’m an unemployed stay at home mom - so these dreams depend a lot on my husband’s ability to deliver. You got this babe…🙏✨

All jokes aside though, I truly believe that you can romanticize the life you already have to imitate the life you dream of - and in doing this - you are not only enjoying your current less than ideal situation, you are also manifesting your dream life every single day - and I believe that to be incredibly powerful. Of course nothing comes out of thin air. Hard work and perseverance are other vital ingredients to creating your dream life, but I believe a mindset like this is just as important.

Music and songwriting will always be a huge part of my life - and I don’t believe I will ever stop creating in that way. A lot of my music is the byproduct of my longing for wide open spaces. But here at my “ranch” - I can have it all.

So in this letter to you every week, I will share my creative projects - songs I’m writing, visual musings of the west and stories behind my music all alongside ways I reshape my suburban life to model the ranch life I want and will have some day. And if you’re stuck dreaming of something that seems unattainable, we are in this together. I will show you small, but effective ways to feel happy with where you are, while working towards where you want to be. So have a seat on the porch and let’s watch the sun stretch across the hills together. 🌞

The first dispatch of THE RANCH comes Monday 4/13. Subscribe to be notified ✨